Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
