k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
