She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
