I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
