Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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