She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
MIDGETS
????
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
