i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
