i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
