the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
