Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
