my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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