you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Edward fifth and chaser hands
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
