It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
