matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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