I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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