That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
