At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
