Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
