I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
