no, he came in my armpit
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
