To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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