Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My feet surprised me
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