thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
