i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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