remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
