Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
