I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
