did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
