not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
