your thong is hanging out like whoa
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
