hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So squirting runs in the family.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
