Michael Bay diarrhea
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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