His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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