New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
