If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
