you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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