Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't turn off my feet"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
