Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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