thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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