I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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