On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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