Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
