His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
