Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
