dude i'm inner monologue high
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
