then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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