why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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