Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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