So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
