I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
