cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
