ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
