I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
