god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
