4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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