idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
