Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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