My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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