So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
