Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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