So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
