It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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