i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
