C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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