You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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