it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
